Young gay men need to respect the older gay men who have made their world possible. But they also need to listen to them so that we can all learn, grow and evolve. They’re doing neither.

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Music – Epidemic Sound


  1. every older gay man I've ever spoken to that knew I was gay was predatory. Desperately trying to find out if he had a chance and then moving on when he didn't.

  2. Davey, it really doesn't seem this situation hasn't changed in over 25 year. I've seen it from the various "silos" or "clicks" going thru the different stages as I grew older and also moved around the country. SOSDD – same old shit, different day. The young are stand-offish and self-centered. The mild-aged are players and desperately clinging onto youth and paranoid of anyone a day older. The older and aged are a leering bunch of old tools to be use for drugs and money. Yes, it is frustrating and sad that a bridge between the times could not be established so that the young had someone older and maybe more experienced to talk with and not be seen as sex objects. We're still just too afraid of each other to "come out" of those rolls. The internal fighting of the culture is just as rough as the exterior fighting for acceptance in society. My $0.02, your pocket change may be different. :-p

  3. I have read several of the comments and here is my opinion. I am a man in my 50's and have been with my husband almost 19 years. We live in a rural part of Missouri. My generation and the generations above me, shouldn't look at the younger generations as "dumb kids" and the younger generation shouldn't look at my generation and above as "old men" who wants to sleep with them. Yes there are older gay men who after the younger gay men to sleep with and there is younger gay men looking for old gay men to be there "sugar daddies". Instead of fighting each other, let's work together, we can do so much more for our community when we work together. When I came out I had no one talk to, I felt lonely and isolated. I started going to a gay bar about hour from house. It really saved me, I saw people just like me. Meet my best friend there and we have been friends for 30 years. Gay bars was about the only way to meet other gays, there was no internet or dating apps. I work in the technology field and love technology, however I feel that our technology has taken the social interaction out of our community. It more accepting to be gay now, then in the 80's and it was even harder for the generations before me to live an open gay life. My suggestion to the younger gays, look into the history of the gay right movement The men and women who paved the way, so we have the rights we have today are heroes in my book. Many gave their lives for our cause. I feel the younger gays need educate themselves on our history. We can all help each other, let's quit judging and fighting each other.

  4. As a young gay man in his early 20's, I can testify that I have met a lot more older men who showed respect to me than guys my age. Being in their 40's, they have become wiser and know how to treat others a bit better. A couple of 60 some year old men have been more genuine than guys in their late 20's, early 30's. The message of this video is beautiful Davey. The gay community is very hypocritical because they complain about being discriminated against but are worst at ageism, racism and body shaming than the general public. It's sad indeed!

  5. Can someone at least give an example of what we can learn from older gay men? Because I've been doing fine without their "knowledge" that everyone keeps talking about.

  6. The reason I hate older generations of gay people is that they clearly can't get over the feeling of being ostraziced. Living in a very gay-friendly country I have never felt any discrimination, and therefor can't relate to their feeling of otherness. Instead I simply want to live my life like any normal person, not like the stereotypical gay person. If you want to be a part of modern society you simply can't walk around in pride marches with cocks drawn all over yourself.

  7. I guess I've reached that older gay men group, and I have been able to pass on some good ideas to a number of younger men. And though that hasn't led to a relationship for me, it has opened up some peoples' minds, and has even led to some younger gay guys getting married. But guys like DaveyWavey have a lot of positive things to say, and I've watched his videos over 10 years now, and watch him grow too. So, Davey, thank you for being a positive motivator, a good guy in the middle sticking up for the rights of all gay people regardless of age and encouraging others to do the same. After all, we got more in common with each other than not regardless of age.

  8. The gay “community” at large is low key trash…vapid and vain… lewd and generally vindictive. Davey has always kind of contributing to that “Grindr gay” whites only, no olds, no fats, no Fems culture whether he realizes it or not and I feel he’s just sad that the young boys don’t listen/talk to him as much anymore tbh.

  9. Davey, since you often meet older gay men, perhaps you should do regular interviews with those willing to share their lives and the challenges they've experienced.

  10. Davey I agree with you completely!!!! People need to just ask for help when they need it to learn from our elders and from people who have already gone through that. Dont be sad girl my generation is just young and yes many are a little foolish but with time they will learn to love and respect everything and everyone💖💖💖💖😘😘😘😘 p.s MISSING YOU LOTS!😭

  11. I agree with everything but I'm currently 25 and all my friends are older than me. I always give respect to those older than me because why would I be disrespectful to someone older. Is like dissing a bigger and more experience part of my community. I don't know everything but I'm grateful for the ones that came before me and willing to share theyre knowledge.

  12. I completely agree with what you've said. But I'm an older gay man (58), and the standoffishness I get from younger gay men is INCREDIBLE. Not only are they not the least friendly, but, the way I look at it, you'd think the only thing I could ever have to offer them is sex, and they couldn't be less interested in getting that from me (FYI, I've been in a committed, monogamous relationship with a wonderful man for over twenty-five years). I don't necessarily expect young gay men to go out of their way to ask questions about what it's like to be gay and how to navigate the world as a gay man. But I certainly don't expect to get the cold aloofness I get from young gay men either. If they're lucky, they will grow older too, and they won't be cute and vivacious forever. They need to drop the attitude and show some respect. Just sayin'.

  13. I am glad this has not been my experience. Everyone I have encountered has always been kind both young and old. I hear of the struggles that came before me and the smoother path the younger generation has because of what we all fought for and continue to do so. It does my heart good to see happiness and no fear in the younger generation. Not that they don't have their own battles to fight. It just makes me realize, this is what we have been fighting for…the right for everyone to love and live without fear. Does the younger generation need to say thank you, no. Just be happy. That is thanks enough.

  14. I love your videos they all make perfect sense and when you're doing realistic arguments like this it shows how people really are. But I will say this I'm 27 now but even in my early twenties I've always been around older men and women anywhere 30 years or older I've always gotten along better with them then even to this day it's still true I will be getting married later this year to a 50 year old because it's about love and nothing else

  15. Meh, i wish I could agree but most old gay men that talked to me just want sex or something, and i am not really looking for that with someone 20-40 years older then me.

  16. Thanks Davey, I am 67 years old and I feel that the younger generation of gay men just see us as Predatory dirty old men. I am English so the attitude here is different to the USA. But I feel alienated from the young Gay generation. I have done many Gay Prides and have fought for Gay rights and I am really fed up with being Devalued. It is time the younger gay genearation ackowledged our contribution to their hard won freedoms!

  17. My only problem here is that, where I'm from, older gay men stop being interested in me when they find out I'm not going to have sex with them (I've been in a monogamous relationship for the past 5+ years, so no sex with anyone else). This draws an image of older generations that I know is not correct, but it still feels as if I'm unable to contribute to a discussion according to those men. So yes, I tend to stick with guys my age, as I can actually have a decent conversation with them. I made an effort and I don't feel guilty for expecting this favor to be returned. And if I don't "deserve" that level of effort, I'm not going to waste my time.

  18. 1:40 but if they are bitter and annoying they can go fuck themselves. If you aren't enlightened to point of liking your life then I'm not in the mood to follow your path. Hell some of us are so shallow that if you have allowed yourself to get ugly beyond belief or extremely broke with age then WE REALLY DON'T WANT TO FOLLOW YOUR PATH. To the older generation as whole.

  19. There are a lot of great points in this video. We do need to learn from those who came before us, to respect and listen to them, and realize that the trolls on all those apps we love don't represent the whole. Diversity of content is very important on one's YouTube channel and in one's life, especially when considering role models. More healthy – and I cannot stress that word "healthy" enough – communication between generations is especially important in these divisive times, provided that such communication is the older person's sole motive. Some younger people will be more comfortable learning through trial and error with somebody the same age who's going through the same shit (a relationship with someone in one's peer group rather than May-December definitely has less questionable effects on one's psyche), but they could stand to learn something from this and your other videos on this subject.

    That said… I can't help feeling like you're partially bringing this up to begin with because you're starting to feel the… I dunno, uncertainty, frustration, maybe even pain… of not being one of those "young gay men" anymore. It doesn't take a psychoanalyst to connect the dots between breaking up with your then-19-year-old ex and beginning a recurring crusade for older gay men to be respected and listened to shortly thereafter. Yes, you do have a good general point to make, but let's be honest: if this was entirely about mentoring or guidance or the wisdom of elders, you could volunteer at the local Boys and Girls Club, Big Brothers Big Sisters, The Trevor Project, etc., or even adopt a kid if you really want to mold a young mind, and fill that need. Looking at the comments tells me all I need to know: you're playing to a new demographic, because your old one isn't as interested, and maybe you're hoping that the remnant of your old audience that's still hanging around will be inspired to open up more, in all kinds of ways, to older people, and in particular you.

    Part of why we're hearing about this – stop me if I'm wrong – is because you used to be one of those "young gay men" that you feel so angry and sad about, maybe spent a lot of time that way, probably had a lot of fun, and now as you grow older, and you continue your journey of self-discovery, but your taste in men doesn't change (wine may mature, after all, but it's still fermented grapes), you're getting frustrated, either by rejection or by just how unsophisticated some of these young'uns seem or whatever, and you wish everybody could mature faster so you can still have the kind of fun you like with the kind of guys you like while continuing to grow as an adult. (It would certainly help you get boys in the sack if they had already magically reached a shared perspective on life instead of beginning to regard you as one of "the trolls on all those apps we love" I referred to above. Not that I think they are, at all.) I'll point out, while I'm on this subject, that some younger people, including those making this transition themselves, already do what you're asking of them, and resent being preached to as though they are part of some generalized group (which isn't gonna win you brownie points with them when trying to get some, btw – never mind how I know).

    Before you stop reading: this comes from sympathy. I'm a longtime fan, I admire all of your work, and last but certainly not least, I'm going through the same shit. Transitioning into middle age, to hear it told, isn't easy for anyone, but for gay men who belong to a community that has an increasing superficiality and emphasis on youth, it can be a real bitch. I'm somewhat younger than you at 27, but already, being close to 30 is putting me in a different place in terms of maturity and thoughts about life and such from the type of men who have usually been the object of my desire (read: younger men, albeit not significantly so — seriously, dude, 19? aren't you approaching your late 30s?), and I'm grappling with trying to open up to new horizons as I get older. I can only imagine that will continue, and indeed get harder, the older I get, as will the lack of attention from the men I find attractive. A point comes when you've got to accept that not everybody's gonna get on the ride with you, and that's okay; you have to make the best of it with those who stayed, and maybe take your chances with people like you who are also on the ride.

    We're both Rhode Islanders, and the TV show Family Guy is both about Rhode Island and something that everybody has watched at least one episode of even if they hate it, so I'll use Family Guy as an analogy. (Hehe, anal — see, you can still laugh at that no matter how old you are!) Don't become as cynical and world-weary as Brian; we're all odious and self-absorbed when we're young, and that's exactly why young people aren't paying attention to you, either anymore or to begin with. Be like Peter; not the self-destructive part of being a reckless idiot, but the part that forges ahead into the unknown and is confident that whatever else comes, he's gonna make it. He'll try some new things, he'll fail at some of it and succeed at others, and with him, what you see is what you get. That's all you'll ever need to do or be on this earth. Stop looking back, and take a look ahead in order to find your peace of mind. People are going to look at that, and like that, and because of that, you're going to find exactly who you need to find. Be well!

  20. Personally i think gay men are to much into sex and i sometimes do feel ashamed by being part of a community that just wants sexy and are very close minded when it comes to politics. I mean when a gay person likes Trump or is not a on the left they get hated on. Being gay use to mean something know its all about look hot and getting sex.

  21. Davey, sooo…so agree in your video. Young men and mostly this younger generation believe in non communication but in texting which defeat the purpose..

  22. This coming from someone who, when he hit on young gay men, has a talk limited in his wish to fill your ass, it's kind of ridiculous.
    Most of older gay people who come to hang around the same places as young ones only focus on the envy of a young one, or come to you to show their dicks or express their isolement with complains (and we have our own problems to evoid becoming a social services volunteer).
    Some may have things to share but even there they often want to teach life and act like a superior one, not a egal one and a mate of common issues.

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