Hey y’all,

We want to talk about something that most members of the LGBTQ+ community struggle with: things we try to hide or change about ourselves before we come out.

We’re discussing the things we were ashamed of when we were young (playing with dolls), the things we wished were different about us growing up (our voices, mainly), and why we felt shame by not doing what society thinks a typical young male should do.

We also talk about internal homophobia and how it still affects us today in some ways. We feel it’s an important topic and would love to hear if you’re experiencing this, too. When we share vulnerable things that we’re embarrassed about or ashamed of, we realize that maybe we’re not alone and that many more people go through the exact same things as we do. It’s a comforting feeling and it’s one that can sometimes bring us all closer together.

We hope you enjoy, and let us know in the comments below what you think!

Best,
PJ & Thomas

Internalized homophobia definition: the involuntary belief by lesbians and gay men that the homophobic lies, stereotypes and myths about them (that are delivered to everyone in a heterosexist / homophobic society) ARE TRUE.

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APPAREL

We’re PJ and Thomas, husbands living in a small southern town in Tennessee. We have a passion for restoring old houses and interior design, and in our free time you’ll find us eating pizza and watching movies, drinking wine, and saying “y’all” like it’s our job. We’re so happy you stopped by, where we focus on topics like marriage, design, LGBTQIA+ issues, and every day life. Won’t you stay a while?

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44 COMMENTS

  1. @PJandThomas- thank you for doing videos like this, even though this video is old 1 year 3 days later it has touched me. Yes, a 28 year old single guy that still in his inner search, thank you guys.

  2. I like these fellows very much!!! I'd love to meet them physically!!!! They'd be great ones for me to share things man to man with!!!! They're quite a man to man inspiration on me too!!! Yeah!!!!! Yeah!!!!!

  3. My "gay thing" when I was a kid was that I was bullied terribly the first 7 years in school, why I never spent time with kids my own age after school, apart from one guy, who lived a few houses down the street. That lasted untill he was 15 and got a moped, which gave him access to other friends. I never learned to "read" kids my own age.
    I spend most of my sparetime at home by myself. I was never bored, though. I had been crazy about cars ever since I could walk. My school books were full of drawings of cars and houses, which I made while listening to Elvis Presley songs. Practised my English by listening to the records and writing down the lyrics.
    It was not untill I joined the military – The Royal Garde – that I for real spent time with people my own age.
    Football (soccer) was terribly boring to me. There were no real alternatives i school, only occaisionally walleyball, which was a winter thing to do in school.
    Once I got my drivers license with 18, I started swimming frequently. It never crossed my mind to look for water polo, which I was introduced to by a friend from the Royal Garde.
    Much to my regret I didn't join them. I was too insecure to handle their straight forward and easy way of being together having fun during practice and in the shower room.
    Too bad, because they were really nice to me regardless the fact that I by that time was out. It would have done me good.
    Instead I burried myself in work after school and behind the image of being the car crazy, who drove nothing but US full-size cars. It was actually a perfect ice breaker, becoming friends with other car guys. They seemed to ignore my gay image because of the cars. Never had girl friends.

  4. I'm 18 and trust me I do all of these what you said. Tbh I used to feel guilty about moving my hands too much, playing with dolls, Walking or talking but not anymore! I'm proud of myself. I'm who I am. I don't need anybody correcting me. I love myself now ❤
    Thank you for your videos PJ & Thomas. Lysm

  5. Aww, I hope you don’t feel ashamed of listening to any music you feel is not the stereotypical “guy” music. I mean I’m gay and I try to not be ashamed of listening to a lot of “girl” music like Taylor Swift and Ariana grande. People just need to get over themselves because you are you and I love you for who you are! 🤍

  6. You are so right about how damaging it is to believe in your head at a young age that being gay is wrong.
    I'm not gay, but I have beliefs from my own childhood that I'm challenging because of the same reason.

  7. One thing American gays do before coming out, and after: ANOYING "NASAL" SPEECH!!! Listen to them… Nasal tones all they way. Instead of saying "and", they say "aeeeend" in the nose…or they say "so" ("ssewwwwhh") all the time. …and what's universal are the floppy hands. LOL. …"aeeeennnd, sssewwwhhh yeeahh! …aaahm".

  8. Probably won't see this because the video is a year old, but thanks for taking openly about how homophobia affected you both. Same with me, and I grew up in the 50's. I asked for a doll for Christmas and I got one…a boy doll, as did my brother (he's straight and liked guy things). And another Christmas I asked for a set of child size kitchen appliances and got them. So how……….didn't they know I was gay??? Then as a teenager, when my parents found out I had a boyfriend, they forbade me to ever see him again (and we didn't), and my dad said "We won't have any queers in this house!" Hence, I learned to hide it and stuff my feelings…

  9. Can definitely identify a lot, especially the sitting thing, which I don't care nowadays but was a big problem as a kid, and preferring to play with Barbie dolls with my female cousin rather than whatever manly thing my male cousins were doing. Looking back, I had an unbearable amount of internalized homophobia as a kid… very glad I got over it

  10. As a trans gay guy I’ve been dealing with a lot of internalized homophobia. Mainly cause I have this weird idea in the back of my head that says I can’t be trans and gay. I’m in the process of working through it but it’s been a big struggle.

  11. Literally, I experienced almost everything Thomas & PJ have experienced as young gay man.
    School including high school were the worst. And then my older brother used to bully me time to time.
    My sisters though were kind of confused. I used to wear their dresses and hills.
    The voice was a another issue. I was so freaking out when I had to record a presentation and play to the audience for my masters degree. I can keep going on and on with long list. But Thomas and PJ, thanks so much for this video and this made my day. Love you both to the end and forever. ❤❤🙏🙏

  12. hey pj and Thomas ,,,,,,,,,,,,,a guy deliberately ignores the situation of him getting asked out by a gay guy(me),which he has sensed before what um gonna ask him by not facing me .is it a sign of him being a closet or is it a sign him being straight

  13. I'm 37 and I still act much more masculine around my family than w friends or by myself. I wish I could just be myself always. I've been out since about 17ish I think.

  14. Guys. Seriously thank you for this video. I just came out as gay in October 2019 and that’s after being married to a woman for 12 years. A lot of what you shared is exactly why I hid and lied for so many years. Thank you for this and being so vulnerable and honest. You boys are an amazing couple.

  15. Very good, guys. I don't know which of you is PJ and which Thomas but you're both intelligent and gorgeous! Do your names, PJ and Thomas, relate to the famous pop singer decades ago, named BJ Thomas? Just wondered. Enjoyed your video. Thanks, guys.

  16. wow, the one on the left is playing WAAAAAAAAY out of his league. hey, guy on the right, you ARE aware you can do better, right? Even with that horrendous moustache… fuck it, even with a paper bag over your head and you could do better than that thing on the left.

  17. I can relate to all of this. I am a gay man of a certain age and I love Radio 54 on Sirius XM because I get to hear the dance music of my youth. Last week “So Many Men, So Little Time” came on and I turned it down at a stoplight because I feared the person in the next car would hear. I did turn it back up because I was so excited to hear one of my favorite old dance tunes.

  18. When i was a child i was too selfcentered to even notice this things 😂😂😂

    Didn't like Girl nor boy Toys, i loved my animal toys, reading and drawing and playing with my brothers.

    My father happens to be quite "feminate" for a straight man and all i had were brothers so we really just went out with what we liked. I remember when i grew Up i was baffled by how different Life was for girls. i had a cousin and as kids she played with us, just the same as everyone else….i remember one time they gave her a Barbie of some kind for Christmas and they gave US some roller skaters and she almost cried. Next thing she has roller skaters, didn't see the Barbie ever again 😅😂😂.

    So, yeah, i supposed i did "embarrasing" things but i think i didn't notice them. That was the kind of kid i was. Strange beyond limits, and completely unaware about It. 😁😁😁

  19. If my boyfriend acted feminine I don't think we would be dating. It's the same for him. I love that he plays football , doesn't wear perfume,smells really really manly and has a very deep masculine voice. We are masculine and PROUD! Please don't stereotype all gays as being naturally feminine. I grew up believing the same thing because of the FAKE MEDIA and that's why I never thought or admitted I was gay, until I met other men just like me in adulthood. Maybe it's just a cultural thing. When I lived in Europe for 3 years I did see a much higher percentage of gays who seem feminine compared to South Asian and West Asian men where gays are much more masculine.

  20. Great video guys.

    Have to say I had the biggest smile on my face when you mentioned the cute pink sparkly shoes the look on your face was almost like you relived those moments of your admiration for these shoes. Sorry you were told off for wearing them though, that sucks. ☹️

    I used to wear my mums shoes and put a T-shirt over my head like I had long hair. But no one ever said anything to me about it, the only worry was me breaking my mums shoes or falling over and breaking my neck 😂 have to say I haven’t worn heels since I was like 4/5 years old.

    Although I never had parents who told me what I can and can’t wear or play with, I’m the same with a lot of things you’ve mentioned, probably through having two older butch brothers. For example, music, I’m a fan of the divas, Xtina, Celine, Mariah, Adele etc… I also turn my music down so no one can hear if I’m in public 😑 also tried to care about football 😕 but I had no joy from it apart from peer acceptance.

    😊👍🏻✌🏻

  21. OH NOOO,first world problems,they are like,just so hard,like ya know!
    In some places people like you two would be put to death or imprisoned.You two live in one of the best places in the world.Don't waste time,help your brothers in places were they wish if they were at traffic lights the only issue they had,would be some prick not liking there music.Get over it dude and I don't wanna see ya pda,or anyone for that matter.Talk about the real issues,not this shit.

  22. Doing my nails I also had the sway when I walked I would say its because of an injury from track I would always do my nails I use to hide my hand when I was out and a boy asked me do u do ur nails I said no I had a brother so I couldn't blam him about my nails when I came out I really don't give a shit about my sway and doing my nails

  23. I am from the UK and I have to say we us gay guys hate on each other and only nice to you if they want to get you into bed, and I would like to say I am sorry for the way I have been in my past I am a bit older now and nicer. Love and peace from the UK ✌️🇬🇧🏳️‍🌈🇺🇸✌️

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